Struggling to Cope

Sometimes it is so hard to deal with the illnesses I have. I know in an intellectual way that it could be worse. I know that I’m blessed in a lot of ways. But sometimes it’s just so hard to deal with depression, anxiety, trichotillomania, and dermatillomania. For those who don’t know, the last two disorders are compulsive disorders that cause me to pull out my hair literally and pick holes in my skin. I have hidden them for so long. I’ve spoken on this blog before about my trich but not my derm.

I’ve had super well meaning people tell me to quit it. How can I explain this… do you tap your fingers or jiggle your foot or any number of completely innocuous movements when you’re nervous or bored or just because? Do you usually realize that you’re doing it? Do you think about doing it while you’re doing it? No?

That’s how trich and derm are for me. I do it when I’m anxious or sad or bored and I just can’t seem to stop.